lightly massaging each of the digits on Changmin's hands.

Changmin sighs, placing one of their hands palm against palm, their fingers intertwining together.

'I don't love you,' he says, shaking his head at Yunho shocked expression to let him continue. 'Not yet at least. I want us to be friends first. Please try and understand, Yunho, even if you don't like it this way. This is all too new to me. You've been in my head, you know what I mean. I've never loved anyone before, I've never worried about anything other dying of this stupid disease without even a chance to find a cure. A cure that would work on other people too.'

'Give me some time. Be my friend, because I don't have any. When I'm really sure and tired of living like this, I'll drink it. And until I'm really sure about forever and eternity, please don't think bad of me and wait for me.'

Yunho looks up at Changmin slowly, eyes glistening. Changmin frowns, cupping Yunho's cheeks and brushing away clear droplets that spill from Yunho's eyes. It dawns on Changmin for the first time that Yunho has beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, so warm and human.

Frustration rises in Changmin, feeling his chest constrict tight and his fingertips tingle when the tears don’t stop. Yunho's eyes widen in surprise when he hears the younger man swear.

'Damnit, Yunho. Is it not enough that we be friends first? Or do you want to just force-feed me with your blood and change me now?' Changmin whispers through clenched teeth, dropping his hands from Yunho's cheeks, wringing them together.

Yunho stares at Changmin with wide eyes, thoroughly confused at the other man's sudden outburst. He gently pries Changmin's hands apart, pulling them around his own waist while he holds him tight against his chest. He smiles a little when he meets with little resistance.

'It's enough, it is. It makes me very happy to hear that, Changmin,' he whispers, pecking Changmin on his forehead.

'Then why the hell were you crying? I thought I was saying all the wrong things,' Changmin mumbles into Yunho's shoulder, holding tighter.

'You silly. Have you never heard of tears of joy before?' Yunho laughs.

'Oh.' Changmin feels heat rise in his cheeks, embarrassment quickly replacing his earlier frustration. ‘Oh,’ he repeats. He tries to hide by burying his face in Yunho's shoulder, but the older man pulls away to look at him with a mildly serious expression on his face.

'Shim Changmin, tell me. What kind of friends are we?' Yunho asks, looking directly at Changmin.

Changmin blinks stupidly at Yunho, his mind drawing a blank. Yunho asks him again.

'Are we kissing friends?'

'Kissing friends...?' Changmin repeats dumbly. Somewhere between being pulled closer and melting against Yunho's soft lips, Changmin figures out what Yunho's really asking.

He practically grips Yunho's shoulders till his knuckles go white, Yunho teasing him with a tongue tracing the grooves on his front teeth, his own tongue seeming to have a mind of its own, pushing against Yunho’s in a game of dominance.

Well shit, Yunho is a damn good kisser, although he's never kissed anyone else before.

Yunho chuckles at the half-dazed expression on Changmin's face, lightly tapping his cheek to snap him out of it. Changmin blinks a couple of times before giving his head a good shake.

'I... Yeah. We can be uh, kissing friends,' Changmin deadpans.

Changmin remains rooted to the spot for a minute, staring a the crack in the floor tile under his bare feet, before remembering his ramen. He turns around with Yunho still lurking behind him, transferring the ramen into a small bowl.

He nods vaguely when Yunho mentions something about taking a shower, humming approval when Yunho asks to borrow some clothes.

The ramen is soggy and too salty (Changmin had forgotten that he should only use half a pack of seasoning) and cold by the time he eats it but he forces it down anyway, shuffling to his room and settling at his desk to catch up on lectures.

Halfway through reading about neurons and ganglions he looks up, turning just in time to catch Yunho throwing on one of his old t-shirts. His throat goes sandpaper-dry when he catches a glimpse of a very toned abdomen disappearing under threadbare fabric, the part of his brain that isn’t dead yet wishing they sold transparent t-shirts in the market.

Yunho grins at him, completely unaware of the minor heart attack Changmin almost suffered, even though he does hear Changmin’s heartbeat quicken. He ignores it though, when Changmin clears his throat and looks back down at his notes. Yunho smirks, noticing the tip of Changmin’s ears flushing red. He stoops down to plant a kiss on Changmin’s cheek, before heading out the door.

‘I’m going out a bit,’ he says.

Changmin looks up with a raised eyebrow, following Yunho to the front door. He catches Yunho by the hand just as the other man is almost out.

‘Where to?’

‘I need to feed. If you can still remember everything from last night, that means I didn’t have enough.’

‘So why didn’t you take more?’ Changmin demands, feeling a little bit of anger coursing through him.

Yunho picks up on it immediately, scarcely believing that barely a couple of hours into being friends they’re already about to have their first fight. He shakes his head in disbelief, stepping back through the doorway, picking up a fist clenched at Changmin’s side.

‘Changmin-ah,’ he begins. ‘What you’ve given me is more than I could ever have hoped for after yesterday. I can’t understand why you don’t want to be cured yet, but I accept it.’

‘I can’t make you understand either, why I don’t want to hurt you, or take anything from you more than I need to. If you can just accept that from me, it’s more than enough for me,’ he says, looking sadly at Changmin. He places his hands on Changmin’s shoulders, kissing the top of Changmin’s head before turning back to leave. Changmin’s hand catches his again, the other man tugging gently.

‘Come home. Come back here when you’re done,’ Changmin whispers shyly, looking at Yunho earnestly.

Yunho smiles at the remark as he walks off, and Changmin finds himself falling a little more, every little thing Yunho does making him seem even more human and real to Changmin.

It’s a quick trip to the other end of town, Yunho moving too fast for a mere mortal to notice more than a blur, running along the highway. He halts, stopping just a distance away from a nightclub, hidden in an alleyway. Perfectly aware that he needs to return back to the other state he came from before going back to Changmin’s apartment, he needs more than what he usually drinks in a single hunt.

Just as well, he notices, out of the corner of his eye, a dark figure lurking in the shadows, constantly glancing at the back door of the club. Yunho can smell the stench of a rapist just meters away from him, who’s completely oblivious to the pair of watchful eyes. Yunho observes carefully, anticipating the move when a lady walks out the back door.

The man is strong and quick, lunging out of the shadows and grabbing the woman, a hand clapped over her mouth as he slams her against the brick wall, threatening to kill her if she even tries to call for help. But even before he can get his belt unbuckled, Yunho grabs him by the collar, pulling him while he runs down the empty alleyway, avoiding knocked over garbage cans and empty boxes easily, thanks to excellent and superior vision.

The woman doesn’t move at first, in a state of shock until her cellphone starts ringing, and only then does she break down and cry.

Hidden among the shadows, Yunho has the other man pinned against the wall, held in a chokehold. The man curses and swears and struggles and thrashes, but Yunho is far stronger than any human being, even in his weakened state. He stops the moment he sees the golden glow in Yunho’s eyes, going deathly quiet except for small whimpers.

Some kind of righteous anger burns through Yunho, even as he sinks his fangs into the unknown man’s neck, drinking and swallowing even as the body goes limp, until not a drop remains. The feed is unpleasant and bitter-tasting, very much like drinking animal blood. Yunho doesn’t drink from beasts unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. He can taste the evil and intention to hurt on his tongue, looking down at the dead body at his feet, wishing he had something to wash out the awful taste with.

So Yunho had lied to Changmin a little. He had killed before. But he doesn’t regret it, each of the thirteen, now fourteen times he’s done it in seventy-two years. Rapists, murderers, child abusers. Images of naked women, tortured children and uncontrolled lust fill his mind as he drops the dead body. And so the world is one rapist and child molester less.

Completely energized now, Yunho runs again, in the direction of his old home across the state, not stopping until he reaches a villa a little outside the city. The place where he and Jaejoong had lived while Jaejoong was still around. He finds a duffel bag in his cupboard, packing clothes, cash and identity.

Even among vampires, there are those who create new identities, somehow being able to bypass the country’s network security, and editing the bio-data of various humans-turn-vampires. It’s especially handy, even more when you’ve been around more than twenty years and you look like you haven’t aged at all.

Yunho doesn’t know where these vampires are, except that they seem to know where he is every time, always managing to send him updated versions when he needs them. It’s a little unsettling, to know that you’re always being watched, but Yunho counts his blessings that it’s always worked in his favor thus far.

Quietly, he walks through the whole compound, sometimes stopping to reminisce the things he and Jaejoong did together. They had a sunflower patch in the backyard, most of them dying with the cooling weather.

We can’t even look at the sun anymore, but lets grow sunflowers because that’s the closest we can get, Jaejoong had said one night with a grin, while they were crouched on the ground, digging little holes in the ground and placing seeds in them.

Stepping back into the living room, Yunho looks a last time at a wall decorated with photos of them, ranging from the time before Yunho became a vampire, when he had first met Jaejoong, to about two years ago, the last time Jaejoong had been around.

Yunho smiles wistfully, tears welling at old memories and fresh wounds. He picks an old photo off the wall, one of the pair of them after a night out by the beach, just to watch the waves. Jaejoong’s icy blue eyes peeking through small slits as he wrinkled his nose, Yunho not even looking at the camera, too focused on planting a kiss on Jaejoong’s cheek.

I miss you, Jaejoong-ah.

He runs a thumb over Jaejoong’s face, before dropping that into his duffel bag, swiping at his eyes stubbornly, the back of his hand covered in bloody tears.

One last look through the house, and he’s running again, running faster against time as he races back to Changmin’s apartment. Running for cover before the sun comes up again.

Yunho barely makes it into Changmin’s apartment through the window, the first rays of sunlight hitting the back of his neck as he crawls in, quickly drawing the heavy curtains. He winces at the smell of burning flesh, rubbing the back of his neck till dead skin flakes off. He’s tired, the run home coupled with the need for stealth draining a lot of his energy, but he could hold off feeding for another day or two.

He clicks his tongue and shakes his head in a motherly fashion when he finds Changmin fast asleep at his desk, having dozed off while studying. A quick glance at the schedule on Changmin’s wall tells him Changmin can afford at least five more hours of sleep, at which he immediately heaves the tall frame and carries him to bed, tucking him in. Yunho kicks off his own shoes, stripping down and changing into sweatpants before crawling into the small bed with Changmin, pulling the blanket over both their heads and molding himself into a frail body, holding it protectively as they both sleep.

Yunho makes himself at home in Changmin’s apartment, Changmin having to wave off the other man’s insistence at buying another bed, or an even bigger bed that would fit the both of them better, adamant that it's not necessary to spend like that. And even though he conveniently neglects to mention that it makes him feel wanted as a person, Yunho reads that as a sign that Changmin doesn't mind having a companion in bed. Yunho also makes a very good warm thing to snuggle against at night, Changmin gradually adapting to the cold touches of Yunho's hands, the only part of him that constantly reminds Changmin he isn’t human anymore.

They do end up buying a new wardrobe though, and Yunho goes on a shopping spree one day, filling his half with new skinny jeans in every other color, and t-shirts and hoodies that Changmin sometimes likes to wear. He also has a particular outfit he wears when he hunts. A leather jacket with Dr. Marten boots to spruce up a normal t-shirt and jeans combination. Changmin admits that the look does suit him, especially when he styles his hair in a fancy spiky mohawk-ish fashion. Yunho blushes, saying, ‘dressed to kill’ with a shrug.

They settle into some sort of routine after two weeks together. Changmin works late at the library on Wednesdays and has classes till past sunset on Fridays. On those days Yunho waits for him in their apartment (as Changmin now calls it) with a home cooked meal. Changmin usually scowls at him for all the trouble, but always ends up smiling and tucking into meals he's never had the privilege of until now.

Yunho just quirks his lips up in half-smiles, memories of Jaejoong standing over a hot stove with a light green apron on, constantly having to dab at the perspiration on his forehead with the back of his hand, but always with a twinkle in his eye. Yunho feels a little torn, especially when he has visions of Changmin curled up in bed alone, hungry and in pain, all of them belonging to Changmin’s memories.

Weekend days are spent curled up in bed, either sleeping and resting or something as simple as lying on their sides, face to face and talking about little things and small plans for another day.

By the time the sun sets, they leave the apartment for dinner, sometimes for a middle-of-the-night picnic at the park, or to sit on rooftops with Chinese takeout. Changmin soon learns that Yunho likes to baby him, very often holding a spoonful of food in front of Changmin and not moving until he takes that mouthful.

Over times like these, Yunho becomes more and more human in Changmin's eyes, the older man exceptionally kind-hearted and caring, so accepting of people even with the worst kind of flaws, overlooking them and always seeing the good side of people.

The older man is also quite a chatterbox, being able to talk about anything and everything under the sky, but the conversations are hardly boring and mundane, especially when Changmin catches himself laughing and grinning in between.

On days when they don’t have concrete plans, Changmin comes home from university to study, Yunho disappearing off in the evening sometimes. Changmin doesn’t ask when Yunho doesn’t tell him, knowing all too well that Yunho needs to feed. Time and again Yunho comes home to Changmin asleep at his desk, no matter how many times he tells him not to wait for him. Changmin does anyway, Yunho always having to carry him to bed, not that he minds at all.

Changmin begins putting a bit of weight on, all credit going to Yunho, who insists that Changmin no longer skips meals just so he can scrimp and save to pay for his medication. Changmin adamantly refuses to let Yunho pay for his meds, insisting that he will pay for it through his own means. Yunho can only reluctantly agree, by then already knowing how strong-willed and how stubborn Changmin can be if he wants to, settling on fattening Changmin up.

Changmin's face becomes less like a skeleton, although having slightly fuller cheeks does nothing to conceal his high cheekbones and defined jawline. Yunho constantly teases him that with all that plus his perfect nose and big brown eyes, he’d never have to worry about going hungry if he was a vampire. Humans would gladly feed him like royalty, and he’d never be without a full belly. Yunho usually gets punched in the arm for that, but the following cuddles and soothing rubs from Changmin are quite worth the trouble.

Over the weeks the weather gets colder, finally dropping to the negative range and winter officially arriving, but Changmin hardly notices. For the first time since his parents’ death and since contracting HIV, winter isn’t a cold and lonely season, and although he doesn’t have a nice fireplace to roast chestnuts over like he’s always dreamed of, he finds Yunho a more than suitable companion through the season.

It’s also during winter when Changmin finally makes an appointment at the hospital, his doctor commenting that he looks a lot better and happier despite not having any medicine. Changmin just smiles and shrugs, mumbling something about his appetite being a little better.

He only manages to pay for a month’s worth of medication with his earnings and savings, feeling a little despondent at how pathetic his situation actually is. So often he considers giving in and downing the liquid stored in the vial buried somewhere in his drawer. But as soon as he rethinks it, he manages to convince himself that he’s not going to take the easy way out until he really has no other options. He knows it’s rather unfair to Yunho, having to make the man wait for him, but he refuses to let himself fall under the category of a quitter.

Some time along the way, Changmin tells Yunho about how he'd ended up in a situation like this. He knows he doesn’t need to, Yunho already having seen his past. He’d hoped the gesture would be an indication of how much he trusts Yunho, letting the other man curl an arm over his waist and pull him closer as they lie in bed on a sleepy Sunday morning, soft sniffles coming from Yunho.

In the span of time spent just lying there with their own quiet thoughts, Yunho presses a kiss to Changmin’s head, whispering, ‘I love you, Changmin-ah.’

Changmin doesn’t respond, and Yunho doesn’t know what to make of the brush of Changmin’s lips against his cheek, but he takes it and keeps it in his heart anyway.

For Changmin, it’s always the happy holidays and occasions when something bad happens. It had been Chuseok when he lost his parents. His favorite cousin’s wedding day when he’d met with the accident.

At this time, Changmin’s already finished his course of medication, counting down the hours and working days before he can afford another month’s worth. He works at the library everyday in winter, climbing to the top shelves to replace books when the old librarian can’t, reorganizing books back into their proper sections and cataloging new books. From Monday to Friday, he works full day shifts, from opening time right up to closing, returning home tired and wanting nothing more than to sleep.

On Christmas Eve, the head librarian smiles at him and waves him out the door.

‘It’s Christmas Eve after all. You should be enjoying yourself with all the other young people,’ she says.

He thanks her, hitting the streets some time close to five, the sky already turning dark, daylight always shorter in