her. Unable to decide why should I be the one to introduce her. It’s not that we’re really close or anything. And it’s not as though Jessica and I are friends now. Puzzled. I was totally at lost as to what Taeyeon was trying to hit on. I am slow with these kinds of things. And, why would Tae like to know her? What made her seem interested to her? I wondered so much, it made me became more confused the more I think about them.

“Why?” I asked her suddenly, just so the questions that had been bugging me would disappear.

“Is that wrong?” Taeyeon’s tone was unusual. Her tone was kind of sarcastic, or was it anger? Why would she be angry anyway?

Maybe Taeyeon likes her...?

But Tae~ah wouldn’t like someone like her!! Impossible!

I shook my head in frustration and I could sense Taeyeon had never left her eyes on me. Where was this heading? I don’t know. I can’t seem to organize my thoughts. I am a first year high school, spending the first weeks of classes, having her first week as a class representative, having her first week spent with a total stranger that is as intriguing like a showbiz star and having confusion as to how and why her best friend is just acting different today. I am totally a noob, or whatever you call it, at this.

“You’re acting different.” Taeyeon stared at me with confusion too. Her eyes didn’t even blink. I think I should be the one to ask her that, but she was the one darting those words towards me. I flinched.

“A-Am I?” I stuttered. I can’t even seem to input all those things that had been happening, I’m feeling so many emotions at once that I feel like I’m at lost for words. My feelings are getting complex.

“Tiffany, I think you need to rest. I don’t want to talk to you tomorrow with your state like that again. You’re totally not you, it feels like you’re not telling something to me. And although I respect that, I just feel uncomfortable with how you act. You shouldn’t have looked too obvious. I think you’re thinking too much, thinking too much of things. And, you keep on spacing out.” My best friend sighed and she gave up on me. She had her points laid out well, and that just made me think more. I swam in my own sea of thoughts.

Am I?

I was questioning myself. I can’t seem to answer it though. I shook off my thoughts and thought that this would just pass. Everything will pass, maybe I’m just having ‘high school anxiety’ or maybe I am still trying to cope up with the new high school system plus class representative thingy. Maybe. I will get used to this anyway.

The next day, another ‘work’ as a class representative awaited Jessica and I. I kept on pestering my brain as to how this ‘work’ should be included in our responsibilities. The school could have just hired a gardener to water all of these plants and to arrange this garden. It looked severely unfavourable as to why the school would still pick class representatives to just water their own plants. I found myself frowning with these thoughts and as soon as I was getting out of the room to go to our ‘section’s garden’, I could still sense that Taeyeon looks at me the way she looked at me yesterday. I feel bad about us, we haven’t talked much at all. It’s because I am still guilty because I am in the same state again and what’s worse? I know the reason behind it. I am conscious every time I’m around my best buddy, I am conscious that I am keeping something from her and I don’t want to spill the beans and it makes me frustrated that it’s all about Jessica. Maybe it’s just because I know Taeyeon would be teasing me with her again, and in fact, I hate that.

What should it even matter?

“Hey..” I sounded like all was normal. Taeyeon glanced at me and fixed her eyes on me. I hate that look in her eyes. It feels like she was still interrogating me.

“Gardening work?” she asked.

“Yea..” This was the very first time I found myself not knowing what to say to her.

Just what are you doing Tiffany? Why are you acting up so defensive..? You’re acting on impulse and you’re ending up hurting your best bud. And now what? This issue is just about Jessica, who in turn doesn’t know that she’s involved here because you’re emphasizing too much of everything!

“Stupid.”

I could suddenly hear Jessica’s words in my ears. Ugh. I tried to cover my ears and Tae~ looked at me like I was nuts.

“Fany, stop being guilty, okay? Just what the hell are you doing?” My lips trembled with her words.

“H-How..?”

“You’re just too transparent best friend.” Taeyeon tapped me on the shoulder and smiled at me. She knows me well, too well. I smiled back at her, apologetically. And she seemed to understand. Yes, she always finds a way to understand even if I’m not really understandable most of the time.

“It’s not like I have to know everything. All of us need space for ourselves. And all of us, there would always be something that we wouldn’t like to share even to our best---est friend. Take your time.” She whispered at me and I back tracked a step. She smiled again and is it just me or did I actually saw her glance a little at Jessica?

My best friend said goodbye at me and left the school. Again, I was left along with Miss Oyster Shell. She had already gone to our garden, so I hurriedly went there too. I was walking hurriedly and I could already saw her blonde hair, streaming through the rays of the sun. She was holding a hose on her right hand, and she walked to the faucet, letting the hose pushed the water out, making the plants glitter with the flow of the water. And they looked refreshed. Jessica was staring not on the plants but on somewhere else, I followed the direction of her eyes but all I could see was the wall so I took my steps to get near to her. She noticed I was already there and she looked at me.

Still that expression, huh?

“Hey.” Her face composed and unchanged.

“He-he---he...He-he---heyyyy-y..” I was stuttering and I don’t know why, she was still looking at me, her one brow rising and she looked away. All I could do was to go on her right and on her left, still trying to find out what she was looking at. I looked up and down and sideways again and I could tell she thinks of me as really weird although she hasn’t really moved an inch.

Where is this icy girl looking at?!

“This.” She answered me and pointed at something, as if she was able to read my mind. Which in fact, she did. Now, does she also have mind telepathy?

I looked at where her finger pointed. It pointed beneath the water bursting out from the hose by which the sun’s rays lay, shining. What I saw? A miniature rainbow, it stood out there formed between the sun’s rays and the water. Beautiful, even though the sun’s heat was making my eyes small or should I say, smaller. I smiled, eye-smiled and I could see through the heat that Jessica was looking at me then I looked back at her.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she looked away, shifting her eyes to the miniature rainbow. And all I could do was to nod in reply, how come I just saw this now. She looked beautiful, while the sun’s shadow was resting on her face, it was softening her features a little bit.

I shook my head.

What is going in my mind???!! Just when did I start to realize that she was captivating my thoughts? I don’t understa-----

*looks at you, yes you reader, what do you think of this? I am confused!! HEEEEELLLP~ what am I feeling?*

I looked away. I can’t even think about it, am I admiring here!? If so, how come??? What to admire in her??!!!! I can’t think of anything!!! Am I admiring her expression? What the heck. I don’t even seem to sound stupid, in fact, I sounded more stupid.

I thought I felt heat flowing through my cheeks. I put my hand on them. Was it even summer? Maybe because of the temperature, I wonder how I felt so hot suddenly. I found myself fanning with my hand unconsciously. She was looking at me with observant eyes and I looked up at her.

She smiled and bent her head down, trying to look at the plants.

She smiled........

She smiled...

She smiled...

And it left my mouth gaping.

She smiled... And I was left, hanging like a computer. I can’t seem to process the way she looked, my brain was overloading. And she actually knows how to smile, her lips curved in a way that makes it alluring, making me mesmerized...I left walking blindly, slowly trying to focus my eyes only on her face then...

I tripped..

Ouch!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~ What stupidity is that?! Oh Fany, just what the hell are you doing??? Fany-fail or Fany-clumsy! Whatever you call that.

I snapped back to reality.

I looked at my knee while I sit up, looked up and Jessica was already there, in front of me. I retreated backward because our faces were just inches away from each other. She was looking at the wound and I was stupidly blowing air through it, as if blowing would make the pain I feel, alleviate.

“You all right?” She asked while still looking at a small circular wound on my right knee.

“Y-Yes I am all right!!!” I stood up suddenly, trying to pretend the pain was gone and then I heard someone was walking from the bushes. Jessica too, stood up, looked around and looked back again at me.

It’s as if she haven’t heard anything and continued to water the plants and carry some pots to their respective places. I stared at the bushes, and saw a girl, standing far away from us. Her tall figure and black hair flowed through her hips. I could sense that the expression on her face meant dislike, even disgust. And I know I’ve seen her before, I just don’t know when or where. She turned her back from us and left. I looked at Jessica who, turned out to be, was also looking where the girl stood awhile ago. I observed her face and her eyebrows suddenly twitched. Lines were forming on her forehead.

“What about lend me a hand Tiffany?” She asked me while she got back to gardening work. The new expression on her face awhile ago, was subsiding.

“Oh, yes.”

My mind was flying while I help Jessica. Jessica, whose face expression had just changed to a smile and what looked like curiosity. She now has three expressions in my eyes, her poker expression, her smiling face plus her curious face. And I drew in my mind other expressions she could muster. There’s one thing I had discovered, her face was not plastered to be like a poker-face.

And I wonder who that girl was, who stood and left. And that look on her face! It felt like she would eat me alive or something!! Did I do anything?? O man!

I sighed deeply.

05 First Impression

Taeyeon and I went to the cafeteria to eat our lunch. Somehow, and still, I can’t get over about what happened yesterday. That girl from the bush was making me use my brain too much.

I guess I am really thinking too much. As much as I want, I can’t understand what I am feeling and what’s happening.

We walked pass the chairs and tables after eating. Taeyeon kept on talking about school stuff as we walk on. Then I suddenly stiffened at the sight of the girl eating on the table beside the door of the cafeteria. Taeyeon noticed that I halted and she stopped too, wondering why I suddenly came into a halt. My mouth opened slightly and I pointed my fingers at the girl who in return just looked at me.

“YOUUUUUU!!!!!!” I pointed at her. Taeyeon’s eyes widened with my sudden action and tried to put my hand down but I managed to avoid it.

“It’s you!! You!!! Yesterday, you’re the one who----” I said again towards the girl and she just looked at me. Taeyeon covered me in front and giggled in pretension towards the girl.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m sorry.” The girl smiled at me in reply. Her features yesterday were far far more different today. She looked friendly and warm.

“But it’s y----“

“S-Sorry my.. uhh, my friend doesn’t know what she is... talking aboutt~” Taeyeon let out a small laugh and I could see sweat forming on her neck. She grabbed me by the hand and we exited the cafeteria. I removed her hand on me and faced her.

“Taeyeon! What are you doing?!” I sounded defeated.

“I should be the one to ask you, what you are doing talking to her! Oh Fany, you’re stressing me out!” She said while we walked hurriedly.

“And you don’t know her?” She continued to look at me with her eyebrows meeting at the centre of her forehead.

“Huh? What do you mean???” I sounded confused for a moment.

“Oh. Em. Gee.” Taeyeon said as I looked at her lips forming those words. I hate this dwarfy, having to think of things again! It’s like she’s making me answer a Sudoku!! Pfff. And mind you, I’m not good with sudokus. I don’t know what to do with those grids!

“I really don’t know what you’re doing at school Tiffany! Do you even know someone besides me and Jessica???” she dropped her hands in frustration.

“You don’t know Kwon Yuri???” she continued.

“Kwon who---“ I became puzzled. How did Taeyeon know her? I tried to ponder my thoughts, that Kwon girl hasn’t been my classmate the past years and I just saw her yesterday. Huh?And and and the worst, she sounded like she doesn’t know anything about yesterday! Did she have amnesia or was she just sleep walking into the garden yesterday?!

“Oh my gosh Tiffany, you’re making me laugh!” I heard her giggle. She put some books and closed her locker. I too opened my own locker and got my copy of “Mathematics for Dummies”. Algebra is making my head hurt. I would ask Tae~ to tutor me before the day of exams. Heeh. And I would just repay her with sweets. Heeeeh. I smiled at my plan.

I closed my locker with frustration.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Tae!” I sounded more defeated now.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!’ Her witch-like laugh echoed into the hallway, making people look at her like she’s nuts. She was also tapping the locker continuously, making her look more... uhhh nuts!! I’m not even kidding around!! What’s funny, I don’t get it!

Taeyeon looked at me and was controlling her laugh but she burst out laughing again.

“Taeyeon! Enough!!” I rolled my eyes with annoyance.

“Sorry Funny. I mean Faaaanyy.” She giggled a little, stressing at the ‘a’ of my name.

“What’s funny?!” I frowned.

“Tiffany, you really don’t know her? Are you really going to school?? Or have you always left your brain inside your house?” She grinned widely at me. Why can’t she just say it directly! I hate this~

“Anyway, you don’t really see her?” Taeyeon’s face became serious.

“Uh uh.” I replied and she was controlling her laugh again.

“Gosh, Fany. Yuri is our classmate!!” Taeyeon crossed her arms.

“Huh? But I don’t see—“

“How come you could not see her? She’s tall! And she is just sitting behind me! What the... Fany!” Taeyeon sighed and breathed deeply, making her lips curled upwards.

“Do your eyes see someone other than your ‘partner’???” she continued and grinned again.

“What does Jessi--- I meant, Jung have to do with this???” And now my best friend is connecting Jessica again, connecting her with everything. I hate it, she sounded like I fancied Jessica or something!! But, why didn’t I know that Yuri was our classmate!? It’s because I’m always daydreaming? Definitely!! I don’t need to know everyone in the classroom, do I?

I don’t need to pay attention at everything too!

“Anyway, why are you talking that way with her?? It felt like she owed you something or she had done something??!” Taeyeon was interrogating me again. INTERROGATION PLAN: TAE~MODE IS ON.

“Well, yesterday, Jessica and me saw her on the bushes.. And---“

“Bushes???” Taeyeon cut me off.

“Yes bushes and she was looking at us. Jessica and me, with her face frowning!” I was hysterical.

“Huh? Are you sure that person is her? I mean, I’ve got to talk to her when I have chances, and she’s quite nice.” Taeyeon said in disbelief.

“Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???” I said while forcing out my smile out.

“Are you sure about that Tae??” I whined.

“Why would Yuri interest you anyway???” Taeyeon crossed her arms and we started to walk back to our classroom.

“Maybe you’re just mistaken!” Taeyeon insisted.

“But it is really her! I know it! The moment I saw her!” I insisted my point too.

“Could I trust you about that? And anyway, why would she frown at you, you haven’t done anything! And what’s funny is that, you don’t know her too!!!” I got her point. There’s no sense in insisting that who I saw yesterday was Yuri, I don’t have proofs anyway. Dwarfy is winning this argument again!! Tss.

I thought of something, what if that Yuri-girl has to do with Jessica? What if?! There’s nothing wrong thinking about that anyway right? But that argument is much more invalid!! Why? Because I clearly saw yesterday that she was frowning at me! ME. PERIOD. I need to push through Tae’s brain about this Jessica-Yuri thingy though, just as so she could make connection.

“Well, you’re right... but.. how about Jung?” I asked her, trying to lay my thoughts in front of her.

“Do you think Jung could have talked with her? Of course not, not unless it’s you!! Hello Tiffany, please widen your comprehension skills. Jung doesn’t even talk nor socializes with anyone other than you.” I understand Tae’s point. But why would Yuri look at us that way? Me, to be exact.. I hope it’s nothing serious. Taeyeon wouldn’t understand anyway so I just gave up on talking with her about Yuri.

“Jung doesn’t even talk nor socializes with anyone other than you”

Now that I come to think of it, that’s true. Heeh, and I’m proud.

WHAT TIFFANY!??!!!! Proud?! How the hell.

I spank myself in my mind. What was I thinking—

We reached our class room and Taeyeon sat on her seat. I just really noticed now that well, err Yuri-girl is really sitting behind her. Why did I just notice now? Am I really that absent-minded?! Oh well, same as always. Dwarfy should have told me more about her...My head aches with my intertwining thoughts.

I too, sat on my seat and Jessica looked at me.

“Hey.” I tried to greet her as I caress my stomach.

“I’m so full~” I uttered at her.

“You’re fat.” Jessica said in reply while her cold eyes linger on my stomach. I felt uncomfortable by the way she stared at my... stomach..

“What??! Am I?!” I replied to her in panic.

“I’m just kidding.” She smiled for the second time. The first time was yesterday. I could again feel the heat on my cheeks rise and I looked outside the window. It’s not even that hot. Maybe because of the soup I’ve eaten awhile ago.

“You did know Yuri was our classmate??” I whispered at her while I move my chair closer.

“Yes.” She answered me like she was bored.

“EHHHHHHH!!!!!?” I yelled at her and the whole class was staring at me again. I smiled awkwardly at them and hid my face with my “Mathematics for Dummies” book. I put it down slowly beneath my eyes when I could already sense that their shock gazes left me, and Yuri was looking at me too. My eyes shifted to Taeyeon and she looked embarrassed by what I did. I smiled and looked at Yuri again. She smiled at me like I was some kind of comedian.

Huh?! Yes she smiled back at me. So, that girl from yesterday wasn’t really her then!?? But it cannot be!!! It’s all the same! Her eyes, her hair and even her height!! My vision is 20/20, I could have never mistaken her for someone else!! A doppelganger?!

Oh Tiffany, for once, stop reading too much sci-fi books!

I looked at Jessica whose gaze at Yuri was like