This is just pure rambling, I'm sorry.

I've always had trouble holding a conversation, both online and offline. So I have to have a very long and organized script conversation in my head; otherwise, I can't utter a single word without going into a full-blown panic attack because I don't know what to say. "What if I say something wrong?" "What if I make them weird?" "What if they don't want to talk to me anymore in the future?" and thousands of other what-ifs and what-ifs.Then there would be the most uncomfortable silence, and I, in pure panic, would try to find a way to escape without being rude.

And tbh, dealing with an uncomfortable situation online was way easier than the offline one. I could drop an emoji or an reaction and then dip and never interact online for at least two hours instead of laughing and nodding for an uncomfortable amount of time like a face-to-face conversation.

And I also don't have to worry about passing out in front of the others. It only triggers my anxiety and freaks me out even more.